worldofcrap.org V2.2

I’ve been to the USA many, many times before. I spent a lot of time here when i was with Lindsy. But my impressions have always been slightly biased by the people i’ve been here with. This time however i’m on my own which is boring. However, it’s given me more of a chance to get more of a feel for the place. Especially as i’ve never actually been to this area ever before.

Which is interesting, because it’s unlike any part of the USA i’ve been to. But the USA is like that. It’s all the same, but not. The USA is going through hard time, so is England but it’s interesting for me to see how differently it’s being handled. Where to start. Well, the day after i got here i went to the mall. Not for anything in particular, i had time to burn and wanted to look for a book to read and maybe get a coffee. Now the area where my office is is pretty affluant. Even the budget mall here is better than any mall i’ve ever been to. I’ve not been to the ritzy mall yet, they probably wouldn’t let me in because i’m too scruffy. Even with all the gloom, the redundancies, the high inflation and the high unemployment there was certainly no shortage of people at the mall. And they were buying stuff too. Lot’s of stuff.

Driving here is exciting for me, but in the bad way. Oh i can deal with the driving on the right thing easily enough. Left turns are sometimes a bit stressful but i can deal with it. But the volume of traffic and the general complexity of the roads around where i am is quite an adjustment for me. I’m still in my Infinity with the GPS which is a godsent. Not only does it tell me where i’m going but if i fuck up i can get enough speed from it’s mighty V6 i can mostly get where i need to be. But people don’t maintain stopping distances, or signal, or even LOOK before they try and break the laws of physics by occupying the same point in time and space of a whole other car, or two cars. It’s not helped by the construction of the new metro which creates all sorts of weird distractions like contraflows, cones of every type and size…some of which are so impressive i’d like to steal them. But all this shit is normal, it’s just every day. I’m the odd one out. This is what driving in central London is like, and that’s why i never drive in central London. But i don’t have a choice, this is my new reality. And i’m going to buy an APC.

I have to say i miss England. I miss my cat and rolling down the hill into Chipping Norton for my Saturday sandwich. And i miss my Cat. I don’t miss the A34 in the morning. I do miss my family. I’m looking forward to going home and seeing everyone and scruffing my Kitty.

I thought today i’d write a little about hotels as i’ve stayed in quite a few this last 12 days. Usually staying in hotels is fun because i’m on holiday, since moving to the USA living in hotels is all i’ve had.

Hotel Number 1: Westin IAD.

I like Westin hotels, i’ve stayed in one before so when i saw they had one by the airport it would be nice to stay the first night after a days travel in one. They’re clean, all pretty new and for some reason they all smell really nice. And the soap in the bathrooms also smells really good. Anyway, anyone that read the Day 1 post knows it was quite a journey to get to hotel number one. By the time i got there was exhausted, i’d just had some confusion with a taxi driver who i owed $11 for a cab ride from the airport who didn’t want to wait for me to get some change from the hotel so i paid him with a £5 note and some $1′s. I lay on the bed for a couple of minutes then realsed i’d need some food and ordered from room service. Soup and a Burger for $40. I’d love to say it was so good it was worth the $40 but it wasnt, it hit the spot in a time of need though. I wanted to have a soak in the tub but unfortunately it didn’t have a tub, unlike the one Westin i’d stayed at before. Whatever, the bathroom was clean so i had a shower and called it a night.

Next morning i got up had another shower and went down for breakfast. $25 buffet breakfast so i loaded up on bacon, sausage, toast and hash browns. And coffee. I sat and drank my coffee and enjoyed watching some Canada Geese that had gathered by a large pond right by the hotel. The concierge got my a town car to take me to the Avis Rental pickup after a few minutes of misunderstanding. We had trouble understanding one another, he couldn’t understand my English accent and i couldn’t understand his Indian accent.

Off i went to get my car, then to the mall, then onto…

Hotel Number 2: Westin Tysons Corner.

Yeah another Westin. This one was nicer because it’s a much much bigger hotel, i got a nice big room with a tub. I liked this room because the bed was massive and i had space to spread out. Being without a home is hard to deal with as you have to cart everything around, in my case my giant cases and two other shoulder bags. Which i hate now. Because they’re like fucking millstones round my neck whenever i move hotels. I was in this hotel for six nights, i again paid for expensive room service through sheer laziness. This Westin was massively, ridiculously expensive. As my time in this hotel came to a close i resolved to explore other cheaper alternatives. Mostly i use expedia and travel advisor to gauge hotel quality by reading the reviews. People mark places down for the stupidest reasons like one rude member of staff and paint being chipped. I look out for stuff like the room being dirty or gang warfare in the car park. Anyway, hotel number 3 i’d stayed in before so that was no worry.

Hotel Numer 3: Hilton Garden Inn Suffolk.

This was over the weekend as i was down Suffolk way visiting and generally enjoying not being in the madness of the city. As i said i’d stayed here before so i actually looked forward to it. It’s not a super ritzy hotel but it’s new, clean and the staff seem to be pretty good. I’ve never eaten there but i can say it’s got a small but well equipped gym and the laundry room helped me get my clothes clean without having to go to some shady coin op laundry and fend off lunatics while clumsily folding my clothes. Alas as the weekend was over i had to head back up to the madness of northern VA.

Hotel Number 4: Holiday Inn Express Fairfax.

This place was fucking cheap, well, for a hotel on the outskirts of DC anyway…which isn’t cheap at all. Hotel’s 3 and 4 break my four star hotel rule. Suffolk doesn’t have anything other than a three star, which are both Hilton Garden Inn’s and although they break the rule i’ll allow them based on quality. I’ve stayed in Holiday Inn Express hotels before in Oregon and although it was clean and i’d been given a corner rule i compared it to a prison. My impression on arriving at this hotel were not good, somewhat influenced by the Hooters on one side and the Red Lobster on the other. Red Lobster’s are, incidentally, actually gateways to hell. Just so that you know.

Checkin went well, staff all good…managed to steal cutlery from the close restaurant without being noticed and pleasantly surprised on getting into my room to find the room, though small, was recently refurbished with a nice bed, a desk, a bath shower and a ritzy TV. My room had a nice view of the Hooters so i could watch the drunks roll out and the poor, downtrodden and dehumanised Hooters waitresses leave at the end of there shifts. Though clean i decided to move on after the first night and to entertain other colourful Fairfax budget hotels.

Hotel Number 5: Best Western Fairfax.

This is my first Best Western so far as i know…a hotel i used to stay in in Oregon became a best Western but i think that was after my last stay. Anyway. I rocked up to this hotel feeling pretty good because it had some nice reviews, it was reasonable money and wasn’t too far from the office. Checkin went well, i get a free breakfast and got cookies for staying here. Good cookies too. I got a little apprehensive when i was given a map to get to my room. The parking for the hotel is all around the outside edge. The rooms all face in on a sort of piazza with a pool in the middle. Upon walking to my room i realised that this is an example of a sort of 60′s motel, one that seemed very familiar. After a few minutes i realised that it’s just like a motel that the survivors fight through in one of the Left 4 Dead games. the Whispering Oaks Motel if you’re interested.

I got into my room and immediately closed the curtains on the giant window that faces the pool that is also right on the walkway to the other rooms, to stop passers by from seeing me sat at the desk writing stupid posts on my website. The room is BIG and has a giant bed, it’s clean and although the decoration is a bit tired it’s all good. I’ve stayed here for three days now. Partly because through laziness but partly because it has an odd charm to it. Possibly because of the free cookies. Who knows?

What’s next you say? Nothing. I’ve a place to live now. More on that another time.

In a bit.

When i woke up today i felt a bit uncomfy, i think because i knew i had another day of upset ahead of me. I’m very aware that i don’t have anywhere to live. And i’d not got a hotel booked for the night of the 22nd yet. I’d got a rental car booked to pick up this morning but that’s it. Anyway, i got a hotel near the office booked up and headed down to get some breakfast. Which i ate alone looking out the window watching some Geese next to a lake. It was good. I got a shower, shoved all my stuff back in my bags and managed to convince the hotel concierge to get me a cab. Again, someone struggling to understand my accent. But, eventually we understood one another.

I got my cab to the Avis lot, back again! Now the Avis staff at Dulles would seem to be AWESOME. I was chatting to the agent explaining why i was here and he told me the local papers to look for apartments in. I mentioned i wanted to get a GPS as i didn’t know my way around and it’d make driving a little less stressful for me. He tells me it’ll be an extra $20 a day BUT for $25 a day he’ll upgrade my compact car to a nice new full size Infinity sedan that has a GPS built in. He points out that my cases will fit into the Infinity way easier. I remember the costs from the website and he’s doing me a good discount so i say yes. My bags both fit in the boot (trunk, for you Americans) and it’s a very nice car. I got her started up, set the GPS for my next hotel and off i go. Making sure to remember to drive on the right, and to make my turns carefully as it’s all reversed. The roads were empty so i took my time and got to my hotel, too soon to check in so i found my way to the mall and got myself a few books and a coffee. Which was cool, nice to start learning the area and stuff. Enough time burned i headed over to my hotel and checked in.

It felt good to unpack a little in a place where i knew i’d be for a while. And managed to relax a little and sort out a few things. I got more room service, same again because i’m unoriginal and looked online to find a supermarket. None i knew very close but i found a place called Harris Teeter and i remember seeing a few from the highway so i headed over there in the car. Which was mostly ok but stressful. On a busy road i’m sure other drivers hate me, i’m slow and look all around a lot and spend time looking at the signs and still get confused at junctions. Anyway, i made a few wrong turns but the GPS helped me find my way there and back again. And now i’m sat killing time, relaxing and getting ready for work tomorrow, which should be interesting.

Anyway.

Day 2: Complete.

So today is the day I moved to the USA from the UK. Originally it was for other reasons but now i’m moving just for the adventure. My employers have transferred me from the UK to the USA. I’ve kept my house in England, it’ll be rented out eventually if everything goes ok over here initially. This is a log of my adventures, i doubt it’ll last long but while i have time i’ll try and update it.

All started good and early around 6am, then again at 7:30 because i wanted to sleep longer. I’ve been exhausted for the last two weeks solid because i’ve been getting ready for the move. Moving all my stuff into storage and packing etc. My mother collected me at my house at 8am and we set out to Heathrow airport with her driving, i soaked up a few last looks at England and before i really knew it we were at the airport. I unloaded my stuff, hugged my mother who got all tearful and off i went. I don’t like thinking about goodbyes really, in this case its more of a i’ll see her soon. But i’ll miss my mother, and the rest of my family very much. Even Fezbot.

As i picked up my two suitcases, my laptop bag and my usual carry on bag it became abundantly clear that i had far too many bags. I usually travel light, just my laptop bag and my carry on bag that i can get a weeks clothes into and have it not weigh me down. This means that you can buzz through security, onto the plane and not check any bags. This was not possible with the amount of luggage i was carrying around. i could move around but not easily, thankfully this wasn’t much of a problem at Heathrow as the first thing i did was check them, no problem! Not till later anyway.

One uneventful flight later i’m in Philadelphia sat at the gate for my connecting flight to Dulles. The snow on the ground had been making me nervous but the board said my flight was on time so i sat down, broke out my laptop and found some free WiFi and mailed everyone at home to let them know i was ok. Then, they cancelled my flight. Visions of the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles flashed before my eyes. Now i was at a bit of a loss of what to do, so i went back out through security and went to the ticketing desk to see about getting rebooked onto another flight. That’s what i asked for and my choices were wait for a flight at 11pm (it was 5pm at the time) or wait for a flight on Monday because no flights on Sunday had room for me. Awesome. Chances of the 11pm flight going were minimal.

The situation wasn’t helped at all by the attitude of the United gate agent who didn’t seem to give a fuck what happend, and in my case thought it was funny. Now, i got very tempted to take a few very large bites out of her with my temper but owing to my tiredness and desire to make it to my hotel at Dulles for the night i decided to reserve my wrath for a later time. Now while standing around i was chatting to a lady who’s name escapes me, it began with J. I’ll call her Judy. And a girl closer to my age called Emily, her name i remember. They were supposed to be on my flight and had a connecting flight to Ghana at midnight. Someone suggested we club together and rent a car and drive to Dulles. But there was indecision about this and money etc etc. I solved this my making is simple, i’d been awake for 26 hours by then so i suggest that i’d pay if Emily or Julie would drive. DONE. Turns out they were going to Ghana with there church as missionaries to meet children they sponsor and to help out in schools. So as you can imagine they wanted to make that flight. And i’d been awake a long time, i wanted my hotel.

So we all asked for our bags back from the folks at United and we started making our way over to the ground transportation bit of the airport. Slowly. Because my cases were so fucking awkward to get around with. By god they are heavy. One has four wheels so i can push it like a trolly, and the other just has two so i have to pull that one. I put my carry on bag on top of the trolly one but it makes it top heavy so whenever it has to go over any feature on the floor it wants to fall down. Jane was having the same problem on a smaller scale too so we all crawled along. Eventually we found that the rental companies don’t have desks at Dulles just a bank of phones. So i picked up the Avis one and booked us a car with only a minor amount of shouting at the booking agent because the phone was so quiet and he seemed to be an imbecile.

One bus later and we’re at the Avis pickup office. The chap behind the counter was being a bit of a dick, i didn’t like him at all but not wanting to upset my new companions i resisted the temptation to inform him what i thought about him. He told us our car was in slot A37 and ready for us so off out we go to A37, all of us with our bags. In the snow. in -3c. Only to find that A37 is EMPTY. A33 had a car very much like the one we’d rented in it though. I told Emily to get it started and i’d go in and sort the problem out with the agent. This presented me an opportunity to load up my six shooters and fire six almighty fucks into the agent. But, seeing as we were in a rush i only managed fire a few fucks into them.

Me: Alpha three seven is empty. (yes i say it like that, i’m British, he had a thick Indian accent so it helps us understand one another).

Avis guy: No sir your car is in A37.

Me: Look out the window, Alpha three seven is empty. Are you sure you didn’t mean Alpha Three Three?

Avis guy: Let me check (said sarcastically while rolling eyes at colleague)

Me: My companions are standing outside in the snow can you make it quick?

Avis guy: yes let me just check.

Avis Manager: Sir, please take the car in A33 we’ll let the gate staff know you’re taking that one. (Credit to Avis manager, i think he could see and hear that things were about to go a little Fireball XL5).

Me: (already with my back turned and walking out) CHEERS GUYS! (British sarcasm probably doesn’t translate well).

And off we go! Emily navigating us with the GPS on her phone with Janey riding shotgun, me in the back dozing, we chat for a while about about why we’re going where we’re going but eventually i just shut up and let them chat and i just think and enter that odd transitive state between awake and asleep you can only find when you’ve been awake for over a day. Mercifully we make it to Dulles in time for there flight and we all part ways wishing each other a safe journey. I hope there flight to Ghana went on time. I then slowly and awkwardly navigated my bags into a Cab and got a ride to my hotel. Upon arriving the driver tells me it’s $11, all i have is a $100 note so i ask if he’s got change. He doesn’t. A cab driver without change, what the hell? Every cab driver i’ve run into everywhere ALWAYS has change. I suggest i’ll go into the hotel and get some change, he says no. He asks me what i do have. I say the smallest notes i have are one £5 note and two $1 bills. He says that’ll do. Weird, but fine so i hand them over.

Finally at my hotel i check in and make my way to my room and lay down on the bed. The last 10 metres to my room my bags felt like they contained concrete. I was exhausted. I checked when room service ended at that was at 11pm, it was 10:40pm so i quickly ordered up sone soup, a burger, a coke, a bottle of water and a big glass or Orange juice and gorged myself. And it was good. I’d not eaten since the flight from England. I decide to take a shower but it never happend, at some point i sat on the bed and just fell asleep. I woke up at 5am, changed for bed and went back to sleep and my god is was good. So, so good.

Day 1: Complete.

But only because i wrote those guides on how to get TESD: Overkill outside of the USA.

For the first time since my fist Intel MacBook Pro rather than upgrading OSX i’m doing a fresh install because of the sheer amount of shit that has found it’s way onto my computer…so, essentially cleaning 8 years worth of crap from my computer. It’s surprisingly quite a lot faster now. Not sure about Lion yet, i’m still booting my old Snow Leopard install for some stuff until i can lay my hands on all of the essential software.

Been after one of these for a while. So this chap John Ogilby drew the first road maps of England…he’s a man with an interesting history and lived quite a life. Anyway, his road atlas was called the Britannia Atlas and it was published in 1675…they’re laid out in scrolls following the road, very unlike road maps like we know them today and ever since i first saw one i’ve dug them. Most of his Atlas’s have been broken up and the plates sold off…so i’ve been looking for the one that shows Chipping Norton, because it’s where i live. Knowing nothing about map collecting i’d been worried buying one online and the one place i know where you can get such things didn’t have the plate i wanted. Until the other day, he got one in for me! And here it is. It’s awesome.

These turned out so damned well.